Reframing My Soul
by Katie Botha
My mindfulness journey started in January 2017 when I realized the Innerwork Center (then Chrysalis) wasn’t a private organization. I was thrilled to learn that anyone—even me—could join.
I was looking for a safe space to work on what could only be described as my inner mess. So when I sent off my “background” email to my soon-to-be MBSR instructor (who also happened to be a trusted friend) I was both relieved and terrified in equal measure.
But back then I was terrified of just about everything.
Which is strange for a girl who wanted to be a lion tamer when she grew up.
A girl who started her career in Paris.
A girl who volunteered and fell in love in Africa.
From the outside, I didn’t think it showed, but it probably did. I didn’t eat much back then. I worked a lot to the detriment of myself and my kids and my marriage. But overall, I held it together.
Until I didn’t.
I fell apart.
It was rather epic really. The background of my meltdown: Walt Disney World, the most magical meltdown on earth.
But by then I also had found my safe place to land: The Innerwork Center. The fix wasn’t magical and it wasn’t quick. It took a lot of work.
A lot of faith.
A lot of forgiveness.
A lot of self-compassion.
In my professional life I had learned that strategy, to coin the words of the great Wally Stettinius, “was a messy iterative process.”
It turns out that the same can be said of reframing one’s personal life.
The best way I can illustrate this is by means of sharing two SoulCollages I created 12-months apart at the Innerwork Center under the gentle guidance of my wise friend and instructor, Cheryl Groce-Wright.
This first one I created in January of 2020 literally days before I had emergency surgery where the sun don’t shine. I was actually in excruciating pain when I created it. When I look at this SoulCollage now, I am so grateful for the well of Innerwork tools I have to draw upon.
Fast forward just a year to 2021; almost exactly four years from my initial MBSR course in 2017—during which time I took several classes, listened to keynotes, participated in drop-ins, parented through a global pandemic and a job change—and I created this second SoulCollage:
These two little cards mean the world to me because they are visual representations of my worst and best selves. And I love them both.
I honor them both.
But most of all, I am aware of my ability to shift slowly and mindfully from one self to the other.
Without judgment.
Simply noticing the changes.
And feeling deeply grateful.
My selves of January 2017 and January 2020 are not gone. I still experience many moments when I find myself fighting for control and perfection.
But my more peaceful, forgiving, welcoming self is just a few breaths away.
And she’s frame worthy.