Creative Heartwork
The essential human calling :
Progressively unveiling the sun in our heart
John Welwood
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Stop asking: Am I good enough?
Ask only
Am I showing up
With love?
Julia Fehrenbacher
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In this choiceless
Never-ending
Flow
Of life
There is an infinite array
Of choices.
One alone
Brings happiness,
To love
What is
Only This, by Dorothy Hunter
CREATIVE HEARTWORK
Poets, sages and mystics extol the virtues of living life with an open heart. But what exactly does that mean? In a time when polarization and self-absorption are rampant, living with an open heart seems like a radical act. For most of my life, that would have been a foreign concept to me. In fact, much of the time it seemed that my natural state was one of hyperactive mind and closed heart, except perhaps in the realm of romantic love. Through the lessons of many mistakes, occasional suffering and personal exploration, life has revealed three insights offering me an opportunity for a more open heart.
Engage the world with heart energy radiating outward
The dominant dynamic for the first half of my life was an unquenchable thirst for external affirmation founded in fear and insecurity. The impulse was to engage the world and harvest love through appeasement, accomplishment and approval : Can this person, this experience, this challenge fill my need for love and acceptance? But, of course, this was like trying to fill a bucket with holes in it. The sense from this approach was that all of life’s energy was flowing inward - it was a taking rather than a giving - with an embodied experience of contraction and defensiveness. It took a deep wound in the form of divorce to awaken my heart and search for another path. With some help, it became clear that approaching people and experience with a sense of life energy radiating outward from the heart - rather than flowing inward as a sort of “taking” - felt better to me and apparently to those around me. As Toltec mentor Don Miguel Ruiz notes in The Mastery of Love : “The whole world can love you, but that love will not make you happy. What will make you happy is the love coming out of you.” Employing the heart as a luminous source of life energy to be shared with others was eminently more effective at generating equanimity and a sense of connection with the world.
2. Tame the judgmental and criticizing mind
Another source of heart contraction is the compulsion of the mind and ego to judge, criticize, and compare. If this becomes a default response to life, the heart cannot be open and loving. My mindfulness practice has made me keenly aware of how excruciatingly often my mind distorts to judgment mode. Engaging others in that manner closes down the heart by creating barriers to the natural flow of compassion and empathy. This keeps us guarded, shutting down vulnerability which is a key to an open heart. Instead of fostering understanding and acceptance, judgment reinforces separation, making it harder to relate authentically and diminishing the potential for meaningful relationships.
3. Accept life as it is
Aligned with the habit of judgment is the tendency to wish things were different somehow - to resist reality : the reality of the weather, finances, other people’s idiosyncrasies, family, stoplights .. you get the idea. Again, my mindfulness practice has highlighted for me my unconscious impulse in almost any situation to inquire : “What is wrong here? What needs to be different here?” It is almost humorous. But this inclination tends to automatically close down the heart and inhibit happiness. Teacher Rupert Spira recommends opening one’s heart completely and embracing whatever appears in your experience. He advises to "say yes to the entirety of experience." Resistance to reality creates tension, frustration and a sense of inner struggle, as we fight against the natural flow of life. When we let go of the need to control outcomes or change things beyond our capacity, we open our hearts to life and the fullness of experience. Surrendering to “what is” softens the heart, and we discover the freedom to move forward with greater ease and resilience.
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Living with an open heart transcends a mere emotional state. It is an active choice to engage with life from a place of love and acceptance rather than judgment or control. This active choice can be strengthened with a variety of practices. For example, when we set an intention to open the heart with a radiating energy of kindness and compassion, then observe ourselves reverting into habitual modes of seeking approval, we can breathe, recenter and return to our original intention - just as we do with passing thoughts in meditation. Teacher Ram Dass suggested using difficult relationships as opportunities to practice open heartedness - viewing challenging interactions as a form of "grist for the mill" of our spiritual practice. In such difficult relationships, we can observe our own reactions, attachments, and judgments. By noticing when our heart closes in response to others, we can practice consciously opening it again.
This wish to live in a more open-hearted way and the practices that nurture that intention can indeed lead to greater joy, connection and purpose. As our own Kay Davidson noted in her recent book, Mindfully Inclined : “But each little moment of awakening to the alternatives matters. Each moment of compassionate action chips away at the covering of our heart; each acknowledgment of joy helps us remember the possibilities that life holds for us and others; each act of kindness wafts love into the air, and each moment of equanimity introduces another instance of peace and calm into the world.” This creative heartwork is foundational to that evolved approach to life.
Aubrey Ford
NOTE : As this Words for the Journey offering implies, The Innerwork Center‘s engagement theme for October is : “Fostering Openness”. Please join us for our various classes, workshops and gatherings this fall season.
About Aubrey Ford
Aubrey Ford's training in mindfulness represents a substantial change in direction after a 40-year career as a trial lawyer who focused on civil litigation and was inducted into the distinguished American College of Trial Lawyers. Aubrey has maintained a regular meditation practice for over twenty years and attended extended retreats with Thich Nhat Hanh, Omega Institute and Insight Meditation. He is certified as a mindfulness meditation teacher by the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, having completed its two-year program led by Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach. Aubrey served a three-year term as President of The Innerwork Center.