A REPORT FROM THE PATH
Sometimes, the most important thing - the most skillful strategy - is to recognize and accept when help is needed.
I have recently published a book that is available on Amazon entitled Mindfully Inclined: Reports from the Path Toward Wisdom and an Open Heart. The book is a compilation of short pieces written over the 25+ years of my practice on this path. It is not so much a ‘how to’ as it is a ‘why to’. Each essay describes a key learning or personal experience that has contributed in some way to deepening my understanding of what it means to be more awake in this world.
A draft of the book was first sent to Amazon in November, 2023. Once it went out of my hands, I thought I was done agonizing about it. I assumed Amazon would take care of the details and offer suggestions for layout and other basic design features. That turned out to be wishful thinking. Now, more than 7-months later, the published manuscript is far from a perfect product. There are printing errors and things I would prefer to change. So it would be natural to ask : why then have you allowed this version - with these ‘flaws’- to be published? I have an answer to that.
In order to release this book, I had to face two internal obstacles. The first was my self-consciousness. I hadn’t realized how personal this book had become when all of the pieces were gathered into one package. I had written many of them over a period of years when Philip (my husband) and I were teaching mindfulness on an every-other week basis. On that kind of schedule, it hadn’t been obvious that I talked about myself so much. While I have mostly quieted the voice of my father telling me not to get “too big for my britches” when I speak in public, he spoke to me frequently when it came to publishing this book. This kind of very old voice does not leave us easily. Working with deeply ingrained obstacles usually requires repeated attempts to bypass its influence. Over time, I have learned that reminding myself of the intention behind what I was doing quieted that voice. That worked again.
The second obstacle concerned another of my personal hindrances: impatience. It became an issue right away in the publishing process . My patience nearly vanished as I struggled to get through my first two conversations with ‘Bob’ - the Amazon person in India who was the navigator for printing this book. Fortunately Philip was on these calls with me and volunteered to handle the relationship with Amazon on my behalf. Without his heroic intervention, the book might not be ready yet. Sometimes, the most important thing - the most skillful strategy - is to recognize and accept when help is needed.
Though there remained those errors and things I would prefer to change, after 7-months I finally had to ask myself: What is the most important thing here? At my advanced age, do I want the book out while I am still alive? It was time to let go of the need for perfection.
Like the book, I am far from perfect. So it is with most of us. With that recognition, what matters then is becoming aware of the places that get us stuck and that lead to actions that are not of benefit to ourselves and/or others. We can then consider more skillful approaches to the dilemma. In the case of publishing this book, the most skillful actions led to acknowledging my inability to work with Bob and to accept Philip’s offer of help.
In a way, that parallels what the book is about: that each of us - as humans - has imperfections and each of us has within us the capacities for bringing more kindness and wisdom to ourselves and to others as we navigate the inevitable difficulties that we will face in this world. Practicing mindfulness helps us not only develop an expanded awareness of our challenges but offers a path to meeting those challenges more skillfully and with more grace for ourselves.
By Kay Davidson
About Kay
Kay Davidson, PhD is a retired clinical psychologist and long time mindfulness coach, mentor, and teacher. Kay completed the 2-year Meditation Teacher Training led by Tara Brach and the Insight Meditation Community of Washington DC in 2013 and now offers many classes, practice groups, workshops and retreats in the RVA area. She also serves on The Innerwork Center Faculty and is a past board member.