No Longer Alone: A Thank you Letter to The Innerwork Center

by Rachael Randall

I feel such deep appreciation for The Innerwork Center. 

For the majority of my life, I’ve felt alone. I was cared for and all my needs were met, yet I still felt alone. This loneliness came from feeling unseen and unknown – not feeling like who I am and what I liked matters. This loneliness came from not being able to connect to myself—not knowing or acknowledging my feelings, doing things because it impressed others instead of doing what I wanted. Living this way, I became lost. I was in a bad place with people who did not care for me -- I experienced hate. I felt heartbroken and embarrassed that I had gotten to this place. 

When I reached this point, I decided to take agency of my life. I started living differently by courageously setting boundaries and expressing my thoughts and feelings more openly. I decided to get clear about what was most important to me and make choices that aligned with those values; I aligned myself with people who understood my values and accepted my boundaries. I experienced spiritual healing and felt a deep and real love for myself – flaws and all—which gave me permission to be more accepting of others. I want everyone to experience what I had experienced – spiritual healing and deep and real love. I wanted to be in a community with people who could listen to my experience and ongoing journey of living fully as they talk about their own experiences and journey.

Finding this community has been hard, especially as a black woman. There aren’t many spaces that allow me to be vulnerable. I often desire to just be with others instead of performing and restricting myself. I give so much and want permission to not give so much sometimes. I want space to talk about and reflect on hard things without it seeming like I’m complaining, being difficult, or weak. I accept myself fully but I have few relationships where I am fully accepted.

I encounter so many people who are afraid of and uncomfortable with my tears – they say “If you cry, I’ll cry” or “If you cry, I’ll feel bad and want to fix it. Who said I want to fix it? 

Just as I put my search for community on the back burner, I was guided to The Innerwork Center. At The Innerwork Center, I attended soul collage where, through magazines, journaling, and creativity, I revealed a message that was on my heart and mind. I attended a keynote speaker event that exposed me to new, yet ancient and traditional ways of releasing stress and healing from trauma. I have talked with people about how to bring community healing to Richmond – I cried simply because we were having the conversation and the impact of following through. I’ve been meeting new people who keep it real – they show up authentic, unguarded, and ready to listen and share. I believe anyone who does anything at The Innerwork Center has set the intention to live fully.

In February, I participated in the BIPOC Book Club series -- we read How We Heal by Alexandra Elle. When I joined the group on Thursday evenings, I was able to show up late and be accepted; I had space to recognize the scars from my past and acknowledge how some remain tender to the touch (who knew); I expressed frustration that healing is a journey instead of a once-in-a-lifetime moment; I cried from being overwhelmed and exhausted and my tears were accepted -- I didn’t feel responsible for anyone else’s reaction; I heard stories and saw stories being formed; I saw people doing new things and taking agency in their life; I was curious about others and they shared themselves with me. I participated in the book club to support The Innerwork Center, but I got so much more in return. There was a feeling of oneness that was created by this group. This was a space for black and brown women to talk about their healing journey – we created a community together. To me, this is invaluable and I want more.

My greatest desire is for people to experience the transformation of innerwork. To feel relief by saying the things you wanted to say, that thing that’s been heavy on your heart. To feel comfort from knowing you’re not crazy for what you think or how you feel. To feel supported as you choose to be yourself and do what’s best for you. To celebrate when you do the hard thing, no matter how big or small. To know deeply and truly that you are not alone and there is a community waiting for you. The Innerwork Center isn’t a perfect place, but it is alive I have great hope for the Richmond community because The Innerwork Center provides a space for this and so much more. 

For this continued and consistent experience of community, spiritual fulfillment, oneness, and purpose, I am deeply grateful for the Innerwork Center. I’m so happy that you saw me and invited me to be a part of your community. 

With Love, 

Rachael