A Higher Love… A Journey

by Nana Korantema Pierce Williams

“If I didn’t define myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive," -Audre Lorde

In February, the month most associated with love, now more than ever with Covid numbers rising daily, I invite you to lean into radical, live out loud love. Not the “significant other” love, I trust you to your own devices and/or preferences there. I speak specifically of love of self, welcoming compassion, and a do no harm approach to yourself. No, this logic is not always accessible between inner critic (mine is named Shelly and she is quite committed to her job of trying to interrupt my momentum) and a system of socialization which taught me to nurture others first, second, and third. I learned early in life doing something for me was selfish and ego based.

Take 4 deep breaths with me and proclaim:

This ______ happened to me, it does not define me (fill in the blank)

I release this from my being

I prioritize me

I prioritize from a space of abundance

There is room for all of me

Many of us have been in survival mode for much of our life. Rites of passages were stripped from our ancestors or generational traumas and disagreements severed the ties that bound. Whether stemming from our youth, something recently experienced, or even if we have conveniently named it something else, trauma has been a part of our lives. All of us. It is important that we acknowledge and name trauma (if you have capacity and are ready). We have lived, survived, and arrived in this very moment.

Take 4 deep breaths with me and remember:

I did not deserve ______________________________

This is not mine.

I am demonstratively releasing_____________________________

I lean into _________’s unconditional example of love (personal or historical ancestor/living inserted)

I lean into loving me

To add to the need for radical live out loud love, consider the following:

Epigenetics is the study of how behavior and environment can cause changes. These changes are reversible and affect the way our genes work and how our body reads a DNA sequence. While specific to black persons, if you are human, you too carry trauma in your DNA.

“We have scientific evidence through epigenetic research that our DNA has changed as a result of slavery, and we inherited past trauma at a genetic level from our parents, and their parents before them, eventually passing down those same genetic variates during programming in utero. We also know that those genes can potentially revert after a few generations to their original genetic makeup. However, given the continued insult on Black people in America there has been limited opportunity for gene recovery. We also know that the most affected gene is FKBP5, which plays a role in the body stress response system as does cortisol (likely as resulted in hyperactive physiological responses of flight or flight) are directly linked to Urban Trauma reactions.” (Akbar, M. Urban Trauma, 2017.)

Take 4 deep breaths while looking in the mirror and repeat:

I am worthy

I bring ease and shifting to my existence

I am changing each day into my vision for me

I forgive as I too ask to be forgiven

I am ever evolving

I love me

Cortisol is a hormone made in our adrenal glands and becomes elevated when we are stressed or experiencing anxiety. By welcoming this radical new level of love, (Steve Winwood sang of it in his song “Bring me a Higher Love”) we curate and bring a relaxed state to our body, thereby lowering our cortisol levels. Imagine the imprint we can make upon our DNA by intentionally addressing ancestral trauma. This can look like introducing positive affirmations daily, welcoming mindful movements, maybe scheduled 15-minute dance-breaks, walks in nature, any releases to help shift the holding patterns that have long nestled our trauma and Shelly-isms. When we engage in mindfulness practice we demonstratively, prioritize ourselves and our wellness, a higher love in action.

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

-Carl Gustav Jung

So, consider joining me as we navigate our February forward self-love in a radical new way. And consider embracing it beyond February. It absolutely does not have to make sense to anyone else, remember, each of our lived experiences have created who we are, so no two approaches will look the same. Let us create space for grieving the crutches we have leaned upon to date. Let us also remember, leaning into radical live out loud love negates all the reasons why this won’t work. We are affecting the love levels of generations to come by our choices as responsible future ancestors, choosing to help create a more compassionate, shared world. Our desire to follow the example of Ghandi and “be the change we want to see in the world” requires we trust and welcome the signs and signals that present on our path when we peel the layers back and really see the person in the mirror with no judgements nor Shelly’s to disrupt.

Take 4 deep breaths with me and affirm:

My love is radical

My love runs deep, overflowing from my DNA

I am conduit

I am root

I am ready to begin, again.

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

– Lao Tzu

This February let’s conjure radical new love languages to and for ourselves. Remember, this is built upon our lived experiences, so everyone has a voice. Let’s listen, trust, and love on ourselves for real.