’Tis the Season of Receiving

By: Peggy Siegel, MS

“May I receive more than I give so that I may sustain change with grace.”

I came up with this intention almost 20 years ago after attending a week-long intensive entitled Sustaining Change. At the time, I was involved in learning a new healing modality. I couldn’t keep up with all the changes in me, the work, the culture, and with technology. Change was happening at warp speed and I was overwhelmed. By the end of this week-long training, I finally understood, to my utter amazement, that the key to being with rapid change or the fast pace of life was becoming good at receiving!

But receiving more than I give was a radical idea for me. My life was fueled by internal questions with an outward focus: Who needs my help? How can I help?

Turning my attention to receiving, which is allowing and taking in, I had to confront old inner voices calling me selfish. Plus I noticed that giving seemed easier and felt more comfortable than receiving. I can control what I give and how I help. But I have no control over what is offered to me or available to me to receive. I noticed how skilled I was at dismissing or discounting what was offered - like compliments, help, and appreciation. Yet turning away these pleasant life experiences was not helpful to me or anyone. At the workshop I had learned the wonderful benefits of receiving so I began consciously practicing receiving more.

Over the years I have written new intentions to support me in receiving. Two in particular have transformed how I experience the holiday season.The first showed up at Thanksgiving as I was encouraged to ‘be grateful for all that I have received.’ I offered gratitude, but was I really taking in all that is available for me to receive? Not really.

Instead, I noticed all the ways I blocked receiving by defending against help offered. This usually happened when I knew that the help would not be ‘perfect’ or just as I wanted it. I wouldn’t allow someone to help me in the kitchen because I wanted it done in a very particular way; that is, I didn’t want to give up control. I sometimes blocked help offered when I couldn’t seem to admit to myself or anyone that I needed help.

Recognizing that I had these blocks to receiving, I came up with an intention that I wrote on a index card and hung over the kitchen sink during the holiday season that said, May I practice receiving all the help that is offered.

I ended up receiving not only the physical help but all the love and care that came with its offering.

“Wonder and appreciation are in themselves relaxed and receptive states, a receiving rather than reaching out.” -- James Baraz from Awakening Joy

The second intention came up when things were difficult with my family of origin. I believed they didn’t love me for all of who I am. So I dismissed, ignored, or discounted any kindness or gesture of care they offered to me. Until one day this intention came to me: May I practice receiving the imperfect/conditional love coming my way. Can I accept the love being offered when it’s not offered in the way I want it to be offered? Can I accept love when I suspect this person can not fully accept me for who I am? I discovered that the answer is yes.

I can practice receiving imperfect loving-kindness coming my way. In this way I turn my attention to sweet moments, which is well…sweet!

Earlier this fall after a big stretch of caregiving, I felt depleted. My usual vitality seemed low. I wondered if living with that notion of receiving more than I give would bring my energy back. I decided to go all out and hold the intention to receive everything that was available to me. Several times a day I have been asking, What is being offered to me in this moment? What is here to receive in this moment? What can I take in? What can I enjoy? What can I accept?

So what has been the benefit of this practice of receiving?

When I step outside and ask, What is being offered to me in this moment? I receive the clear blue sky, feel the crisp air. I take a walk in the nearby city woods at the Carillon and I am washed in golden light from the changing colors of the leaves, I receive the birdsong, the gentle breeze and the softness of the leaves underfoot. Everywhere I turn I sense the ever present gifts of the natural world. And it fills me.

With others, I open to the connection that comes from spending an evening laughing with a good friend watching Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. I take in compliments and encouragement on the pickle ball court. I allow in the deep acceptance and intimacy that arises during a conversation with a friend as we walk through Maymont. I’m even touched by the friendliness of strangers who smile or say hi as I walk around this city neighborhood.

I’m living with an abiding sense of abundance. It’s given me lots of energy. Joy and fun have been more present. It’s uplifting to bring my attention to all the goodness and beauty available. This practice brings me directly to the experience of this present moment, inviting me into an open hearted state for receiving. In receiving I’ve found that there is nothing between me and life — no judgement, no dismissing, ignoring, not in past or future, not being caught in thoughts —just here experiencing this moment. Full open presence is innately enlivening. And has reminded me that I could be in love with this life.

May you receive more than you give this holiday season. And may you have fun doing so!